About the author
It’s Sunday and you’re hungover, angry at the world, at bartenders and most of all: yourself. No worries, we feel the same. That’s why we’ve invented Sunday Roast. A bi-weekly conversational ‘column’. A written one. Online. Every other Sunday, Mark and Sabrina vent about the horrible burdens and ungodly mishaps of their 21st century life. Usually reserved only for bars, we bring our problems right into your home. Sharing is sexy, and a problem shared is a problem halved.. You are cordially invited to our pity party.
Previous Sunday Roast here
Dear Mark,
Last time you wrote me about how all things are consequences of your own decisions. And while I agree to some extent, I also feel like some things are out of our hands: the decisions others make have a direct influence on our own life.
This week –I’ll be completely honest about it– I broke down and cried when I saw the memorial of Tim Ribberink. ‘Dear mom and dad, I was bullied, mocked and ignored my whole life. You are fantastic; please don’t be mad at me. I’ll see you again. Love, Tim.’ I almost cried again, just writing this. He wrote these words in his farewell letter to his parents before deciding to end his own life. I know that in the end it was his decision to end his own life but to what extent did he choose this life? Should he have transferred school? Should he just have been a little bit stronger? The life he had was not his decision and not an outcome of his own decisions.
I hope these people are taking a good hard look at themselves because they have blood on their hands
In grammar school, I was bullied myself. Mostly because ‘I talked like an adult’, and made only one mistake in an important test. Later on a lot of things were added to this small list and I always shook it off thinking ‘later you’ll be washing my car, bitches’. But we can’t expect the behaviour we wish for ourselves from other people. And I know that having people, also loved ones, say hurtful things to you –even if the remarks might not seem mean to them– can still sting, even after you shake it off.
Luuk Koelman: pay attention
The point I’m trying to make is that to give other people freedom to make their own choices is to not always criticize them. Tim Ribberink’s problem was not his own behaviour, it was the behaviour of other people. And I really hope those people are taking a good, hard look at themselves because they have blood on their hands. You don’t always have to say what you think. (Luuk Koelman: pay attention. You used a boy who killed himself as a way to get back at somebody else. He has been bullied his whole life and you chose to give him one final imaginary kick? Please, think of his parents. Why would you? I would honestly like an answer why you chose to do it this way because I don’t understand how anybody can be so cruel. There are other, nicer, ways to tell people you disagree. Like I’m doing now.)
Bullying people is like stepping on a piece of paper and wrinkling it in your hands without tearing it
In short: People should learn that sometimes, even when you’re annoyed or angry, it’s better to just let people be. Bullying people is like stepping on a piece of paper and wrinkling it in your hands without tearing it: you can straighten the paper, but you will still see the fines lines. It will never be the same piece of paper. You can also choose to not say anything or say it nicely, don’t influence anyone’s life in that kind of negative way. Let people be, it’s what makes them, them.
And in the case of loved ones, it’s often what makes you love them.
Love always,
Sabrina
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